...Of a Lovely Lady

Here's the story. I know it's been positively ages since I last posted anything on this blog. I have an outfit post to come from a previous January day or two, but I thought I would also offer something by way of an explanation of my absence.

I have a tendency to struggle with the idea of blogging as a worth-while pastime. When I blog it seems normal and nice and all that. It doesn't complete me or anything gradiose like that, but it's fun and it harms no one. When I'm prevented from blogging (usually due to a lack of time) I start to think of blogs as a whole as being silly and, in the case of fashion/style blogs, grotesquely vain. And I mean that word, grotesquely. How can I be so hypocritical? In this case absence seems to make the heart grow distant for me and, well, clearly I'm torn.

Let's face it, anyone who puts their own image up on the web for the world to see AND ADMIRE is, in a certain sense, vain. There's no way around that. Now, before you jump down my throat for saying that ON MY OWN BLOG, please understand that I also truly Value fashion/style blogs. I used to read magazines. Now I read blogs. The women who post these daily diaries are far more beautiful than anyone on the pages of a glossy magazine. Far more beautiful and far more creative as well. They are do-ers, dreamers and risk-takers. These people show you what good self-esteem is all about - they show the world of readers what it looks like in the flesh, how it talks and how it moves. These are admirable people.

At the same time the little devil on my shoulder is calling me silly, vapid, and vain for having a blog of my own.

You see my problem? From time to time the devil on my shoulder wins and Puritan me says, "NO! Thou shalt not blog!" I say that jokingly, but it does almost feel like a moral matter (though it's not) (And no, I haven't missed the fact that I just unwittingly equated the devil with Puritanism...seems my inner thoughts are saying something to me). And then my optimism wins out again and the little Powerful me on my other shoulder tells Puritan me to stuff it, "Blogging is fun and harmless," she seems to say.

For the past month, little Puritan me has ruled and blogging was not to happen. Today I'm optimistic and feel it's possible for Powerful me to lead the parade. I promise you that I will continue to struggle with this and there will be chunks of time with no posts and no activity. But I am trying to listen more to Powerful me rather than Puritan me and to make decisions based on whether or not the result will make me happy without harming others. As I grow, so too will this blog.

Thanks for letting me get my thoughts out on "paper". If you struggle with this too, I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you don't struggle with this, I'd love to hear your thoughts too.